I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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