I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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