47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
