Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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