U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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