What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
