Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
