Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
