i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
