In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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