Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
