i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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