I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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