the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
did i walk over a car last night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
