Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
