marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
