my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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