how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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