that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It was like giving head to a cactus.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
