so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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