My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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