Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
