Plan B is the new Plan A
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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