My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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