Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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