Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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