you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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