I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
