I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
