Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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