I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
