He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
