just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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