life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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