Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
