I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
