Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
