I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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