If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
