"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
