So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
