If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
