I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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