well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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