guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
