he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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