I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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