.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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