Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
