how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
