I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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