He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
