On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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