i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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