I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I faked an abortion last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
