Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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