Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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