singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
